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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220196">A Normal Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrekChik/pseuds/TrekChik'>TrekChik</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anal Sex, Bottom Steve, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Endgame fix it, M/M, Top Bucky</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:56:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,018</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28220196</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrekChik/pseuds/TrekChik</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>As soon as Steve vanishes from the platform, Bucky turns to go. He knows Steve isn’t coming back, is certain of it from the way Steve had hugged him, told him not to do anything stupid, and he doesn’t want to just stand there like an idiot, waiting. His heart can’t take it, so he takes a lingering step backwards, staring at the platform, not wanting it to be real, but knowing it is.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Star Spangled Secret Santa 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Normal Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dixons_mama/gifts">dixons_mama</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>As soon as Steve vanishes from the platform, Bucky turns to go. He knows Steve isn’t coming back, is certain of it from the way Steve had hugged him, told him not to do anything stupid, and he doesn’t want to just stand there like an idiot, waiting. His heart can’t take it, so he takes a lingering step backwards, staring at the platform, not wanting it to be real, but knowing it is. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Where you going?” Sam asks him, catching him by the arm. There’s genuine concern in his voice, and Bucky is glad they’ve formed some sort of weird friendship, but he just can’t stay. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m gonna head out,” Bucky says, not looking at Sam. He’s not sure if he could take the pity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not gonna wait on Steve?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He’s not coming back, Sam,” Bucky says quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What gives you that idea?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would he? He’s got the chance to go back and be with Peggy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do.” Bucky stalks off, ignoring Sam’s calls to him, hops on his bike, and rides off back to Steve’s apartment. He’s only been undusted a week, and Steve, of course, had set him up at his place. It should take him a few hours to get there, but he tries to enjoy the ride, even if he is a little melancholy. He’ll sleep it off when he gets back to the apartment. At least that’s what he tells himself. He’s not really sure if he believes it. Best not to dwell on it too much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s not sure what he’s going to do with his life now. Since he woke from HYDRA’s sleep, he’s always had Steve. Now, he suddenly doesn’t. He won’t dwell on it more than he has to. Maybe he can petition to become an Avenger. That is if they’re even still a thing now that Tony and Steve are gone. Maybe he’ll become a PI or something. He chuckles at that. No fucking way. He couldn’t stand tailing cheating spouses and insurance cheats all day and night. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He stops at an overlook along the highway and looks out over the expanse of the world in front of him. He fights back the urge to cry. He can feel the tears stinging the corners of his eyes, but he blinks them back. What does he do without Steve? Why didn’t he ever tell him how he felt? He should’ve told him before he went under in Wakanda. Or when he came back out. Or when he shipped off for England back in ‘43. Instead, all he’s got is a lifetime of missed opportunities. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s been back at Steve’s apartment for a couple of hours, just sort of staring at the ceiling over the sofa, doing nothing but wallowing in the whisky bottle in front of him. He looks around at Steve’s things, and wishes the man were here. He thinks that this is probably what depression feels like. He’s just numb. He doesn’t want to do anything but think about what could have been. Maybe he should’ve just stayed with Sam. Sam’s a pain in the ass, but at least he wouldn’t be alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe he’ll just put a bullet in his mouth and be done with it. It’s a fleeting thought, and it rattles him. He’s been given too many chances in his life to do something that stupid, but he needs to figure out what to do with his life such as it is. He glances at the clock - it’s too early to go to sleep, but too late to do much of anything else. At least, that’s what he tells himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s pulled out of his morbid thoughts with a knock at the door. It’s probably some kid selling something. He wonders if it’s cookie season. He doesn’t remember ordering out for food. He hasn’t wanted to eat, although he knows he should. He stands and crosses to the door, flinging it open. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, I don’t want -” he stops mid-sentence. His mouth hangs open as he’s not sure he can trust his own eyes at the moment. He blinks twice to make sure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve stands on his doorstep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing here?” he asks dumbly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve surges forward, grabbing Bucky’s face, and kisses him hard. It takes him a moment to register what’s actually happening, but then Bucky’s hands go to Steve’s hips as he melts into the kiss. Steve pulls back after a moment and places his forehead on Bucky’s. They’re both breathing heavily, sharing air. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you weren’t coming back,” Bucky says, tightening his hands in Steve’s shirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve pulls back to look into Bucky’s eyes, confusion evident on his face. “Why would you think that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky shrugs. “You had a chance to be with Peggy. You loved her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve’s face shows surprise, then what Bucky thinks is possibly love? He’s not sure. Steve lets go of Bucky and gently guides him by the hand into the apartment, closing the door behind him, and they sit on the sofa. “I did love her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky’s heart sinks. It’s one thing to speculate on it, but it’s another thing entirely to actually hear the words spoken out loud. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve drops his head, but looks up at him through impossibly long lashes. “But I also love you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky’s breath catches. “What?” He can’t have heard that right. There’s no way. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Look, Peggy had a good life with a husband and a family after I hit the ice. She didn’t need me. And yeah, I missed her for a long time, but I knew it was over. And then </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>came back. And you weren’t you, but I knew you were in there. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Knew </span>
  </em>
  <span>it. I just had to make you see.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“See what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That I’m with you til the end of the line.”  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky smiles a small, crooked smile. “I don’t need you, Punk.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure you do, Jerk.” Steve twines his fingers around his and squeezes. “I should’ve told you. Hell, could’ve told you a million different times. I guess I was too chicken to say anything. And then Peggy came along and I thought we could’ve each had a chance to have a normal life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ain’t nothing normal about us, Steve.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now you tell me.” Steve grabs Bucky’s shirt and pulls him close to kiss him. It’s their second ever kiss and to Bucky, it feels like they’ve always kissed. It’s natural. Nice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky is suddenly hit with a realization and he pulls away. “You came back for me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because you love me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I still don’t understand.” Maybe he’s being purposefully obtuse, but it’s just not sitting right with him. Steve can’t love him after all he’s done.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve takes a deep breath as if to steel himself for the explanation. “I was alone for five years after The Snap. I talked a good game, held some group sessions for people struggling with it, but I was empty inside. I’d lost Peggy to time and you to The Snap - the two people who meant anything to me besides Ma. So, when Scott showed up and actually had this crazy idea to reverse The Snap? I started to hope. I knew It wouldn’t bring Peggy back, but call me selfish, I wanted you back. If it didn’t work, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good thing it worked, then, huh?” Bucky jokes. It’s a defense mechanism and he knows it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve’s hand cups his face and he smiles. “Yeah. Good thing.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve leans in to kiss him once more, and as comforting as it is, Bucky wants more. He opens his mouth and licks at Steve’s lips and Steve opens up for him. They kiss lazily for a moment, but it quickly picks up heat and intensity. Bucky naturally falls backwards on the sofa, and Steve follows him down, slotting himself between Bucky’s legs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky is hit with the need for </span>
  <em>
    <span>more </span>
  </em>
  <span>even if he’s not sure he’s allowed to take it, because despite everything Steve told him, Bucky still can’t believe this is real. He’s pined for so long, </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>like a man dying of thirst, that just the simple act of kissing makes him question his sanity. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve obviously senses something because he pulls back and looks at him. He brushes Bucky’s hair away from his face, gazing at him as if trying to memorize every bit of it. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The endearment is like a balm on an open wound. Bucky’s breath hitches, and he smiles up at Steve. “What about everything I’ve done?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, Buck. You’ve got to know I never held you responsible for what you did as the Winter Soldier. Not once did it ever cross my mind to hold you accountable.” And isn’t that a kick in the head. Steve must notice the look on Bucky’s face because he asks, “What’s wrong?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing,” he says, and means it. Forgiveness is an amazing thing. “Nothing at all. Should we take this to the bedroom?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only if you’re sure.” Steve, giving him an out, god bless him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky shoves Steve off of him and sits up. “Do I look unsure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve smiles. “Just checking.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They only make it to the hallway before they’re on each other again, Steve up against the wall, Bucky taking what he wants, rutting up against him, practically riding his thigh. He kisses down Steve’s jawline while Steve’s fist goes to his hair. “Jesus, Buck,” he manages to get out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky pulls away, kisses Steve again, then drags him down the hall to his bedroom. He pushes Steve through the doorway and onto the bed. Steve sits with a flop and Bucky straddles his legs, cocks rubbing up against each other as Bucky rolls his hips for good measure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“God, baby. You feel so good,” Steve says, voice wrecked. He wraps his arms around Bucky and rolls the two of them onto the bed. Steve slots himself between Bucky’s legs and the two rut like teenagers for a minute, kissing hungrily. Steve’s hands find their way to Bucky’s ass and he squeezes his cheeks while Bucky moans into his mouth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Too many clothes,” Bucky manages to say, and the two scramble to remove their shirts. They crash back together, unable to stay away long enough to get to their pants. Bucky relishes the feeling of skin on skin and brings his hand around to cup Steve’s impressive tits. “Jesus, Steve,” he says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve blushes and ducks his head, obviously embarrassed. Bucky quickly flips them around and presses Steve’s shoulders to the mattress. “Don’t hide from me,” he says. Steve nods and Bucky dives into his mouth again. This time Bucky’s hands go to Steve’s belt. “Off,” he says. He rolls off Steve so the two of them can quickly get naked. Shoes get toed off, landing on the ground, pants are shoved down and off. Socks quickly follow. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky looks over at Steve and before he can help himself, he reaches out to grasp his cock. It’s thick and cut with hairless balls, something that Bucky never expected. Steve hisses at the contact and reciprocates by mirroring Bucky’s motions and takes Bucky’s cock in hand. Bucky is long and uncut with neatly trimmed hair, and Steve tugs at the foreskin and smears the precome that’s beaded at the tip around. Bucky wonders if Steve has done this before or if he just knows what he likes and mirrors the action. He decides he doesn’t want to know. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They jerk each other off lazily, neither concerned with getting the other off. It’s maddening for both of them. Bucky breaks first. He lets go of Steve’s cock and props himself up on his elbows. “I need to fuck you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve sucks in a breath. “Oh, god, yes.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And suddenly, it’s like a dam has burst. Bucky is up on all fours, kissing Steve’s mouth, jaw, neck, slowly downward. He stops to lave at a perfect pink nipple. Steve groans at the contact. Bucky repeats the process on the other nipple before trailing down his torso. By the time he gets to Steve’s cock, Steve’s a writhing mess beneath him. “So good for me,” Bucky says as he nuzzles Steve’s balls. He licks a stripe up the underside of Steve’s cock and his tongue darts into the slit. “Lube’s in the drawer,” he tells Steve who scrambles to find it, tossing it down to Bucky when he does. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The cap opens with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>snick </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Bucky drizzles some lube on his fingers as Steve brings his legs up and plants his feet on the bed. Bucky presses the tip of one finger against Steve’s hole, massaging the lube around the furled entrance. Steve’s breathing becomes labored as just the tip breaches him. “So perfect, Steve. Look at you, greedy for my finger.” He fucks Steve with the one finger, then curls it just </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Steve shouts as his torso leaves the bed. “There it is,” Bucky says, grinning wickedly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It doesn’t take long before Bucky adds a second finger, then three, fucking Steve’s hole while sucking down his dick. The noises Steve makes above him are delicious and go right to his own cock. If he had an extra hand, he'd be stroking himself off, but instead he settles for rutting into the mattress, looking for some friction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Bucky, please. I’m ready,” Steve says as he tugs on his hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky pulls off Steve’s dick with a soft </span>
  <em>
    <span>pop </span>
  </em>
  <span>and he looks up at him. “Yeah? You’re sure? I can get one more in here, you know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Want you </span>
  <em>
    <span>now,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Steve growls, and Bucky certainly isn’t going to say no to that. If that’s what Steve wants, that’s what Steve will get. Because Bucky will give him </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He slowly removes his fingers with one more tease of Steve’s sweet spot and crawls up the bed. He kisses Steve as one of his hands reaches out to riffle through the drawer where the lube was. “What are you doing?” Steve asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Condom.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve huffs a laugh. “Fuck that. Want to feel you. Want to feel you come inside me and feel your come drip back out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Jesus. You sure?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve’s hand cups Bucky’s cheek. “Sweetheart, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Now, fuck me.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky makes a sort of strangled noise that Steve lets pass, thankfully. He gets the lube and makes quick work of slicking up his cock. He adds a little bit more to Steve’s hole for good measure. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not gonna break, Buck.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know. I just want to make sure I don’t hurt you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve nods. Bucky shuffles forward and places the tip of his cock against Steve’s hole. He rubs over the entrance before ever so slowly pushing in. They both groan. Bucky slides in torturously slow, afraid of both coming too soon and hurting Steve. He doesn’t want to do either. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For his part, Steve lets out a litany of “Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck…” as Bucky pushes in. His legs wrap around Bucky’s waist and his heels press into the backs of his legs, spurring him on, but Bucky is having none of it, continuing his slow descent. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he’s fully seated, balls flush against Steve’s body, he needs a minute to ground himself. Steve, however, begins to roll his hips, chasing his own pleasure. Bucky is helpless to do anything but go with it, so he rolls his own hips, causing Steve to let out the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. It’s somewhere between a sigh and a moan and Bucky has to think about baseball so he doesn’t come. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But of course, baseball brings him back to the 1940s, memories of him and Steve listening to games on the radio on the fire escape, and his mind supplies a picture of Steve before the serum, all skin and bones, his tiny Steve. He wonders if that Steve loved him, too. He quickly pushes the thought out of his head as he feels tears prick at the corners of his eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve, of course, does notice and he cups Bucky’s face once more. “Hey. You okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Bucky smiles. “I’ve never been more okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Buck.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, too.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They make love, their pace unhurried, each relishing the sensations between them. Bucky rolls to the side, taking Steve with him and they fuck lazily, Steve’s leg thrown over Bucky’s as Bucky’s shallow thrusts threaten to send them both over the edge. They kiss and smile at each other and kiss while smiling, teeth sometimes clacking together making them laugh. They thrust together, each of them chasing their own orgasm, neither concerned with going any faster. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve is the first to come, spilling between them. His face contorts beautifully, and his ass clenches around Bucky’s shaft. It doesn’t take long before Bucky comes, too. They lay there for a long while, breathing each other’s air, smiling at the other, neither saying a word. When Bucky slips out of Steve, it’s then that Bucky feels the magic is broken and now that he’s gotten a pity fuck, Steve is free to go. He tells his brain to knock it off, that Steve loves him, but there is still some lingering doubt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Steve gets up and heads to the bathroom. Bucky hears water running, so he figures Steve is cleaning up to go. He’s surprised when he comes back in with a cloth and wipes Bucky down. “What are you doing?” he asks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Didn’t want you getting crusty,” Steve says. He tosses the cloth back towards the bathroom, obviously only concerned that it is in the room. He crawls back into bed with Bucky and snuggles up close to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re not leaving?” Bucky asks, wrapping an arm around him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would I do that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dunno. Figured we were done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, sweetheart, we’re just getting started.” There’s a pause before he adds, “With everything.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And it’s then that Bucky begins to believe that maybe, just maybe, he can have this after all. </span>
</p>
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